This is not what I had planned.

Like many other 18-year-olds, I had a vision of what my life would look like: College. Marriage. Four kids before the age of 30. I saw a future career, marriage and motherhood and lots of travel.  

Instead, I changed my major in college… Decided to get my Masters post graduation… Moved back to my hometown. I had a full-time career and purchased a home. No husband, no children. I had to discover what it meant to be an adult in my home church and in the community where I grew up. I had become an adult and had to figure out life in my small town again. 

Short-term mission trips and road trips to visit college friends fulfilled my love for travel. My stressful job brought close friendships and my involvement in church ministry gave me purpose.

My adult life up to this point had been focused on a future that was not my reality. I kept praying for God to bring me a spouse. I was getting closer and closer to 30 with still no children. Unfortunately, I was living my life on hold because it didn't look like what I had planned. 

In September 2015 I sat through a sermon that highlighted the need for missionaries around the world and I realized that it was something I could do. Since embarking on this journey of being a missionary, I have had many comments from people who wish they could have done similar things but were married with families. Maybe there's a reason why I was still single. Maybe God had other things in mind that I had not planned.

The following fall I found myself a part of a mission team in the Czech Republic and felt God asking me to return for longer-term. My responsible personality was screaming against a future in missions because of the uncertainty. How do you pay off debt? What do you do with a house? Can you find a spouse living overseas?

It was in a Bible study in Brno with my mission team that I had the idea to explore singlehood in ministry. I reached out to contacts who might have some clarity or resources and found myself listening to podcasts, reading blogs, and discussing with close friends.

While I still haven't arrived at a peace or full understanding of what it means to be single and a missionary, I feel more enlightened. God is teaching me that my trust and relationship with him is the most important. I'm learning that ministry can happen regardless of marital status. And I'm learning to appreciate my independent spirit.

Looking back at my naïve, 18-year-old self, I feel embarrassed that I made such plans for my future. What you don't understand at 18 is that God's plan for your life is so much greater than what you may think. I wanted the cliché, cookie-cutter life and now, as I learn more about life and this world, I realize that that's not what I wanted at all. I long for the adventure and uncertainty because it is when I am not in control that God's plan works best.

Maybe it isn't singleness for you, but maybe there's something else in the way of what God really wants for you. Are you living life on hold? Maybe it's time to put down your plans.