I prioritize things of little significance over something important more often than I want to admit. There will be a stack on dirty dishes on the counter and I'm reading just one more chapter in the book I can't put down. I'll decide to reorganize my closet at 10:45PM when I know I should be getting more sleep. Netflix is an advocate for my mixed priorities. "Continue watching?" it asks politely. "Of course!" I respond... dryer full of clean clothes- neglected.
Maybe it's because I've always been so responsible and in control of life that I find undone chores so thrilling. Don't take me to a casino because I can't handle the thought of gambling away money frivolously, but allow me to not clean up after myself and I feel exhilarated! (It's the little things, right?) Living on the edge. There's freedom in allowing yourself to rearrange your priorities for a little while. It's my coping mechanism.
But what I have come to realize is that what I thought was my laziness or burn out or exhaustion is actually a shift in my priorities. Since returning from a mission trip to Nicaragua last April, I no longer see the need to "doll up" every time I go somewhere. I don't care if my house isn't as clean as it used to be. I don't mind that plans change at the last minute sometimes. (These were all things that used to be a higher priority.) I was worried that I was depressed. I thought something was wrong with me. I now see that God was adjusting what I thought was important. Cleaning your house is important. Neurotically controlling your home is not. When you get bent out of shape because someone hung up a wet towel in the wrong spot, it's time to re-evaluate your life.
I'm still very responsible. I still have neurotic tendencies. What is changing is the idea that those things don't matter as much. I'm a work in progress, as they say. I don't care so much about the frivolities like I did. That being said, put me in Hobby Lobby and I'll find every frivolous thing I never, ever needed. I'm working on preparing myself for what my future holds and I'm pretty sure that my priorities have to change for that to happen.
